An Age Limit to Buy Newspapers?

On Sunday 11th Feb my wife drove into town with our son and stopped at the local Co-op to buy a newspaper (Mail on Sunday). Him being 11 years old and capable she sat in the car while he went in with the appropriate money to buy the paper. He returned a few minutes later somewhat flummoxed and without the newspaper. She asked the reason why and he replied that as he wasn't 15 years old the staff couldn't sell him the paper as it contained a freebie DVD rated as '15'. This was of a TV mini-series with Joan Collins called 'Sins'.

Now, while I applaud the vigilance of the staff and the Co-op's attempts to adhere to the laws of the land regarding film certification there are a few questions this incident raises.

1. The DVD was in a sealed cellophane package containing two newspaper magazines and various loose advertising supplements. Was he going to view it on the way home?

2. What if he had traipsed there as a favour for a disabled neighbour/family member? Would the staff have removed the offending DVD from the package?

3. What about the shop sending out paper boys and girls to deliver the paper and its freebies? I'm sure many of many of them are under 15.

4. Is it not the case that in this day and age many kids under 15 seek out or have been exposed to much worse than a Joan Collins mini-series on regular television never mind satellite and the internet?

5. How the hell did the DVD get classified as a '15' in the first place?

I guess that this week I'll have to purchase my own copy of LSA Express (Readers Wives Spring Special)!

The ROAR of Life in Lancashire

The LSA Express reports a not very nice comment that appeared in a column in Lancashire Life recently about ROAR. Needless to say they are a bit miffed and I don't blame them.

The Lamp Post and the Water Tap (XXIII)

Well after an enforced absence from the keyboard (family illness) I'm pleased to report that the power was finally sorted on Tuesday January 23rd. It was Master F's birthday so he was able to open his presents after school by candlelight as the power was off while United Utilities fixed the problem outside number 5.

I spoke to a workman who explained that previously when the lamp post was re-connected the workmen had left the underground cable taught but there was no fill underneath it thus when the job was being completed the water repair men back filled and of course there was pressure on the cable and it sagged and eventually disconnected/broke. Since the 23rd the hole has been filled properly and fully tarred. Our electricity and water have been functioning fully ever since. My joy has been unconfined.

The Lamp Post and the Water Tap (XXII)

Sunday 21st was week 22 and ... the power went off at 4:15am, and didn't return until 7:00pm! Only some of the houses in our street were affected and the utilities company call centre spun an awful lot of bull throughout the day that it was being dealt with.

When I cornered an engineer near my door he thought the problem was perhaps near the lamp post outside number 17 (which had gone out) and I explained the history of the lamp outside number 5. He then reckoned that could be the source of the problem and when I explained it hadn't been lit for about 5 months he said "They'll have forgotten to reconnect it and switch it back on."! He also said they would have been round sooner but they only had the one call transferred from the call centre. It wasn't till they'd asked around and reported back that they discovered loads more phone calls reporting no power throughout the day. By now of course (4pm) the daylight was rapidly going so trench digging was not advisable however they did connect affected houses to unaffected ones via thick cables.

So, I'm using my neighbour's electricity to post this blog item! Yes they haven't started fixing the problem by Monday night, although their warning signs and barriers are neatly stacked ready for erection ... Tuesday?

Hmmm ... how do they square up the electricty bills for each customer?

Consulting Sheep

I received this today at work via e-mail. It's not that far from the truth.

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Prada suit, Gucci shoes, Dior sunglasses and D+G tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Vodafone cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an e-mail on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulae. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised HP LaserJet printer, turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep.", says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car. Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a consultant.", says the shepherd.

"Wow! That's correct,", says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required.", answers the shepherd, "You showed up here even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you know sod-all about my business. Now give me back my dog."

The Lamp Post and the Water Tap (XXI)

Sunday 14th January was week 21 since the lamp post was switched off and removed and yes, no light since. I think I'll leave it until 26 weeks after it was re-erected following the water pipe being fixed before I phone Lancashire County Council to complain and then I can justifiably say "It's six months since we've had that lamp post lit!".

Where's the ROAR gone?

No flyers through the letter box. No updates on the website. No posts on the message board.

Is it a major attack of apathy, an acceptance of the inevitable or maybe the airport owners have shown their power?

Oh dear.

The Lamp Post and the Water Tap (XX)

Hogmanay on Sunday was week 19. There has been no star in the East or a light outside number 5. I take it there are also no wise men at Lancashire County Council Street Lighting Department.

The Lamp Post and the Water Tap (XIX)

Well ... it's week 17 and still Lancashire County Council have not connected the street lamp. And guess what? There's a distinct dip in the newly tarred pavement next to the lamp post. I'm thinking the sand has moved and settled underneath or ... there's another leak that is moving the sand. My breath has a hint of bait.